Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Quote of the Day Issue 14

 

391) Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a month.
-- William Dean Howells


392) You have to do what you love to do, not get stuck in that comfort zone of a regular job. Life is not a dress rehearsal. This is it.
-- Lucinda Basset


393) Do not hover always on the surface of things, nor take up suddenly, with mere appearances; but penetrate into the depth of matters, as far as your time and circumstances allow, especially in those things which relate to your profession.
-- Isaac Watts


394) Often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances that, in a year's time, will be forgotten by us and by everybody. No, let us devote our life to worthwhile actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings.
-- Andre Maurois


395) Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark.
-- Henri Frederic Amiel


396) Now I truly believe that we in this generation must come to terms with nature, and I think we're challenged, as mankind has never been challenged before, to prove our maturity and our mastery, not of nature but of ourselves.
-- Rachel Carson


397) You must not just know logically what you'll lose if you fail and what you'll get if you succeed... Because staying with your duties till the end requires a continual laser-like focus on why you need to keep going and stay on task.
-- Mike Brescia


398) Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough. Sometimes you have to give up the fight and walk away, and move on to something that's more productive.
-- Donald Trump


399) Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
-- Berthold Auerbach


400) The books that help you most are those which make you think the most. A great book that comes from a great thinker is a ship of thought, deep freighted with truth and beauty.
-- Theodore Parker


401) I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I'd just been myself.
-- Brittany Renée


402) Of course we all have our limits, but how can you possibly find your boundaries unless you explore as far and as wide as you possibly can? I would rather fail in an attempt at something new and uncharted than safely succeed in a repeat of something I have done.
-- A. E. Hotchner


403) Consciously or unconsciously, every one of us does render some service or other. If we cultivate the habit of doing this service deliberately, our desire for service will steadily grow stronger, and will make, not only our own happiness, but that of the world at large.
-- Mahatma Gandhi


404) Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don't fight them. Just find a different way to stand.
-- Oprah Winfrey


405) It is with words as with sunbeams. The more they are condensed, the deeper they burn.
-- Robert Southey


406) Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one's own sunshine.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson


407) Circumstances may cause interruptions and delays, but never lose sight of your goal. Prepare yourself in every way you can by increasing your knowledge and adding to your experience, so that you can make the most of opportunity when it occurs.
-- Mario Andretti


408) When you face your fear, most of the time you will discover that it was not really such a big threat after all. We all need some form of deeply rooted, powerful motivation - it empowers us to overcome obstacles so we can live our dreams."-- Les Brown


409) We're so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget that the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it's all about.
-- Joseph Campbell


410) Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left.
-- Hubert Humphrey


411) Genuine beginnings begin within us, even when they are brought to our attention by external opportunities.
-- William Bridges


412) Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
-- Dale Carnegie


413) For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
-- Bill Cosby


414) Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves.
-- Dale Carnegie


415) Thoughts mixed with definiteness of purpose, persistence, and a burning desire are powerful things.
-- Napoleon Hill


416) Saying thank you is more than good manners. It is good spirituality.
-- Alfred Painter


417) To do two things at once is to do neither.
-- Publilius Syrus


418) Shun idleness. It is a rust that attaches itself to the most brilliant of metals.
-- Voltaire


419) If you are all wrapped up in yourself, you are overdressed.
-- Kate Halverson


420) I am more and more convinced that our happiness or our unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves.
-- Karl Wilhelm Von Humboldt

Thank you for visiting

By Biradar Mahesh

PMR Group

Thursday, February 10, 2011

One Liner Jokes English

  • 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?Red rose
  • 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.Red rose
  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.Red rose
  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.Red rose
  • A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.Red rose
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.Red rose
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.Red rose
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.Red rose
  • A day without sunshine is like, night.Red rose
  • A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will
  • look forward to the trip.Red rose
  • A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.Red rose
  • All generalizations are false, including this one.Red rose
  • All men are idiots, and I married their King.Red rose
  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.Red rose
  • Always try to be modest and be proud of it!Red rose
  • Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.Red rose
  • Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.Red rose
  • Assassins do it from behind.Red rose
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.Red rose
  • Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.Red rose
  • Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.Red rose
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.Red rose
  • Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.Red rose
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way,
  •  when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.Red rose
  • Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.Red rose
  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
    Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.Red rose
  • Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!Red rose
  • C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.Red rose
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.Red rose
  • Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.Red rose
  • Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.Red rose
  • Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!Red rose
  • Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?Red rose
  • Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.Red rose
  • Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?Red rose
  • Death is hereditary.Red rose
  • Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?Red rose
  • Did anyone see my lost carrier?Red rose
  • Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.Red rose
  • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.Red rose
  • Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.Red rose
  • Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.Red rose
  • Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.Red rose
  • Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.Red rose
  • Double your drive space. Delete Windows!Red rose
  • Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.Red rose
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get [how wude!]ed into jet engines.Red rose
  • Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.Red rose
  • Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.Red rose
  • Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.Red rose
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?Red rose
  • Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.Red rose
    mahesh
  • Red roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed roseRed rose

  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.Red rose
  • Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.Red rose
  • Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.Red rose
  • For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.Red rose
  • For Sale: Para[how wude!]e. Only used once, never opened, small stain.Red rose
  • Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.Red rose
  • Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.Red rose
  • Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.Red rose
  • Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.Red rose
  • Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.Red rose
  • Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!Red rose
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.Red rose
  • Give me ambiguity or give me something else.Red rose
  • Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.Red rose
  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.Red rose
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.Red rose
  • Honk if you love peace and quiet.Red rose
  • Honk if you want to see my finger.Red rose
  • How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?Red rose
  • How does Teflon stick to the pan?Red rose
  • How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.Red rose
  • I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.Red rose
  • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.Red rose
  • I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.Red rose
  • I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.Red rose
  • I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.Red rose
  • I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.Red rose
  • I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.Red rose
  • I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?Red rose
  • I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's goneRed rose.
  • I took an IQ test and the results were negative.Red rose
  • I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.Red rose
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.Red rose
  • I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.Red rose
  • I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.Red rose
  • I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.Red rose
  • I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.Red rose
  • I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.Red rose
  • I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!Red rose
  • I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.Red rose
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.Red rose
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.Red rose
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?Red rose
  • If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.Red rose
  • If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!Red rose
  • If you can't convince them, confuse them.Red rose
  • If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?Red rose
  • If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you.Red rose
  • If you haven't much education you must use your brain.Red rose
  • If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably
  • worth it.Red rose
  • If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.Red rose
  • If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.Red rose
  • IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.Red rose
  • It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.Red rose
  • It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.Red rose
  • It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.Red rose
  • It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's
  • newspaper, that's the time to do it.Red rose
  • It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.Red rose
  • Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.Red rose
  • Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an [no swearing please].Red rose
  • Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.Red rose
  • Keep honking. I'm reloading.Red rose
  • Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.Red rose
  • Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.Red rose
  • Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.Red rose
  • Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.Red rose
  • Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.Red rose
  • Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.Red rose
  • Montana: At least our cows are sane!Red rose
  • More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!Red rose
  • Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.Red rose
  • My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.Red rose
  • My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.Red rose
  • Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.Red rose
  • Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.Red rose
  • Never mess up an apology with an excuse.Red rose
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.Red rose
  • Never test the depth of the water with both feet.Red rose
  • Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.Red rose
  • No one is listening until you make a mistake.Red rose
  • Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!Red rose
  • Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?Red rose
  • On the other hand, you have different fingers.Red rose
  • Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.Red rose
  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.Red rose
  • Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.Red rose
  • Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.Red rose
  • Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.Red rose
  • Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.Red rose
  • Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.Red rose
  • Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.Red rose
  • Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.Red rose
  • Remember half the people you know are below average.Red rose
  • Save the whales. Collect the whole setRed rose
  • Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!Red rose
  • Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.Red rose
  • Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.Red rose
  • Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.Red rose
  • Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.Red rose
  • Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.Red rose
  •  
  • Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.Red rose
  • Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.Red rose
  • Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.Red rose
  • Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!Red rose
  • Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.Red rose
  • The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now
  • Santa Claus is missing.Red rose
  • The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.Red rose
  • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.Red rose
  • The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.Red rose
  • The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.Red rose
  • The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.Red rose
  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.Red rose
  • The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.Red rose
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.Red rose
  • The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIERRed rose
  • The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.Red rose
  • The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.Red rose
  • The shortest distance between two points is under construction.Red rose
  • The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.Red rose
  • The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travelRed rose.
  • There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.Red rose
  • There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.Red rose
  • There's too much blood in my caffeine systemRed rose.
  • Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.Red rose
  • Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.Red rose
  • Time is what keeps everything from happening at onceRed rose.
  • Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.Red rose
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.Red rose
  • To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.Red rose
  • Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothesRed rose.
  • Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.Red rose
  • Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.Red rose
  • We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?Red rose
  • We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.Red rose
  • Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!Red rose
  • What happens if you get scared half to death twice?Red rose
  • What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts freeRed rose?
  • What's the speed of dark?Red rose
  • When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the
  • wrong way.Red rose
  • When there's a will, I want to be in it.Red rose
  • When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.Red rose
  • Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?Red rose
  • Who stopped payment on my reality check?Red rose
  • Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?Red rose
  • Why is abbreviation such a long word?Red rose
  • Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?Red rose
  • Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.Red rose
  • You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.Red rose
  • You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.Red rose
  • You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then
  • used against you.Red rose
  • You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!Red rose
  • Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.Red rose
  • Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.Red rose

By Biradar Mahi

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